


Will You Come Back?

by jeffdachi



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, F/F, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, abusing drugs is bad, druggie jinsoul, drugs arent bad kids, idk man, whipped sooyoung
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 21:32:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19159396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeffdachi/pseuds/jeffdachi
Summary: “If I get better for you, will you come back?”





	Will You Come Back?

To say her emotions were running high would be a tasteless understatement. Yes, she was feeling a little bit of every emotion all at once, but each one was just as intense as another, so much so her head was spinning and her heart was beating at an irregular pace. This would be the first time in 2 years that she would see her longtime ex-girlfriend of 12 years.

 

 

12 years. 12 years she spent with Jinsoul. 12 years she spent with someone who she was so deeply in love with. 12 long years she spent in an absolute wreck of a relationship.

 

 

Sooyoung first met Jinsoul during her second semester of college. Everything about that day and their meeting was completely different than how Sooyoung did anything in her life. She was dragged to a frat party she would normally never go to, stumbled to the farthest room against her better judgement, and found Jinsoul and her posse surrounded by a thick cloud of smoke high off their asses. Some were dancing (read grinding) against each other in the corner of the room, eyes rolling back and not paying any attention to the newcomer. Others were sat in the middle, bent over a snow covered table. Jinsoul herself sat crammed on the couch to the side, passing around a blunt with the 5 other people squeezed in. Sooyoung had no business being here. She was a clean, untainted girl who lived in the countryside her whole life. She realized this was the wrong room to be in so she turned on her heels, ready to leave out the door until they locked eyes.

 

 

In that moment, Sooyoung was glued to the ground. She couldn’t move nor could she believe that half-lidded bloodshot eyes held so much power over her. It felt like hours of intense eye contact until the blonde broke out into a dopey smile and reached out to hand her the blunt. Immediately coming to her senses, Sooyoung jumped and rejected the offering, not being one to engage in that scene. But Jinsoul just smiled wider, standing up as she offered it once more to ease the dark haired girl.

 

 

“Hey, come on… it's just to help you relax. It’s a party and you’re looking mighty unparty-like.” Jinsoul spoke in a slurred speech. Her voice was deep and soothing to Sooyoung, and she was immediately entranced by her the longer she stared. Gesturing for Sooyoung to at least take one hit, Sooyoung finally took a hold of the object and decided why not. Not knowing what exactly to do, she inhaled deeply, which was a mistake on her part as she began coughing, hard. She felt it burn the back of her throat as she felt tears welling in her eyes, desperately wanting the pain to cease. In her fit, she heard a deep, soft chuckle coming from her side that caused her to hold her breath, that is until the need to cough came back. Looking over, she saw the blonde holding out a bottle of water for her while laughing at the novice smoker.

 

 

“Probably should’ve told you to take it easy on your first hit, that’s my bad,” Jinsoul said through her giggles, “Don’t worry though, it gets easier over time.”

 

Sooyoung took the water and drank it fast to soothe her dying throat and handed back the blunt to Jinsoul. As much as she wanted to leave at that moment, seeing Jinsoul plop down on the floor while patting the floor next to her, made her stay. She didn’t even know the girl, but the pretty smile and laidback aura pulled Sooyoung in, and she couldn’t get away.

 

 

Throughout the rest of the night, they sat side by side, smoking and talking about anything really. Jinsoul was right, it did get easier overtime, and Sooyoung felt her body go numb and her mind open up. She couldn’t remember what they were talking about, but for her she didn’t care. Because Jinsoul was just nice to talk to. Hours passed and Haseul finally found Sooyoung in the room after frantically searching the whole house. Pulling the girl out, Sooyoung was upset that her time with the mystery blonde was over and that she didn’t even get her name. And as Haseul put her in her car, definitely scolding her for her activities, Sooyoung paid no attention as her mind was solely occupied by the blonde.

 

 

Days after the party, Sooyoung found herself looking out to see if she could find the girl, but to no avail. It was a stretch, considering that their university was extremely big, but she hoped and prayed to whoever was up there, that she could see the girl who’s been on her mind since they met. But each day, she found no signs of her, to the point where Sooyoung believed she just made the whole night up.

 

 

Walking into the library one day, as she looked for some obscure book Haseul begged her to get for her, she stumbled into a hidden part of the library on the top floor. She knew the library was huge, but this was ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as not being able to find one book. She looked everywhere as it seemed this book did not follow the dewey decimal system and just wanted to be wherever it wanted. Sighing as she passed yet another row, she perked up when she heard the smallest chair scraping. Of course, it’s a public library so there would be students all around but this section seemed almost deserted that to have someone else here with her, spooked her a bit. Walking closer to where the sound came from, her heart nearly stopped as she spotted the familiar golden locks from nights ago.

 

 

There she was, just as beautiful as she was the first time she saw her. And just like that night, Sooyoung could do nothing but stare as she was rooted to the ground. God knows how long she just watched her until Jinsoul looked up, and just as before their eyes met. Only now, Jinsoul was sober, so the eyes that locked onto hers were even more hypnotic. The deep brown orbs pulled Sooyoung in as her heartbeat quickened. Who knew that Sooyoung would find herself so obsessed by someone who wasn’t even in a sober state.

 

 

Once Jinsoul recognized the tall girl, a smile immediately broke out as she got up from her seat and headed towards the girl. It was like deja-vu, Jinsoul coming up to her while Sooyoung’s body refused to move.

 

“Oh hey, you’re the girl from that party, right?” Jinsoul asked, even though she knew the answer. Sooyoung just nodded, unable to speak as she couldn’t keep her eyes off the girl. Jinsoul seemed to not mind, however, and took on the role of leading the conversation.

 

 

“Fancy seeing you here, most people don’t even know this part of the library exists,” Jinsoul said as Sooyoung tried her best to break from her spell and talk to her like a normal person, “personally, I like that no one comes around here, that means I can do as I please.” Jinsoul finished with a chuckle.

 

Sooyoung was able to muster up a small laugh in return, but overall was way too nervous to act normal, and Jinsoul could sense it.

 

“So… what brings you around here?” she questioned in an effort to get some response from seemingly stunned girl.

 

“...oh. Umm, my friend wanted me to find a book for her… and I looked everywhere, but it doesn’t seem to exist,” Sooyoung finally spoke, “I also didn’t know this area was here. Hahaa…”

 

“... did you google it?”

 

Sooyoung was stumped again, but this time by her own stupidity. Of course, why didn’t they just look up the book online?

 

“You know, that probably would’ve save me my afternoon.” Sooyoung joked, embarrassed at how dumb she was for not thinking of that.

 

“Yeah.. but hey, if you weren’t wasting your time looking you wouldn’t have found me!” Jinsoul cracked the biggest smile and for the nth time, Sooyoung found herself catching her breath as her heart began rapidly beating again.

 

 

Jinsoul scaled the girl up and down before speaking again.

 

“So… how was your first time getting high? Did you like it?” She questioned teasingly with a slight brow raise. A faint blush from embarrassment crept up Sooyoung’s face as she remembered how clumsy she was at the party.

 

“Oh, definitely an experience I’ll never forget. If I’m being honest, I’ve never seen myself do anything like that before so maybe I was more shocked that I even tried it.”

 

Jinsoul chuckled, “So you’re one of those people who call it like ‘the Devil’s Lettuce’ or some shit, huh?”

 

Sooyoung immediately protested, “No! No, not at all. I’m just… not that adventurous I guess.” She rubbed the back of her neck, starting to feel like she was lame for not being more open to things.

 

“Really? So you don’t do anything? At all?” Sooyoung shook her head as Jinsoul began walking back to where she was seated, Sooyoung following close behind.

 

“Not even drinking. Although, even my friends think that’s a little too much.” She sighed out. Jinsoul just laughed out at the confession as she searched through her bag for something.

 

“So, you’re like a bare skin nature baby.” It was Sooyoung’s turn to laugh, completely caught off guard by the phrase.

 

“I’m sorry, a what baby?”

 

“A bare skin nature baby. I know, sounds ridiculous but it’s an inside joke with my friends,” Jinsoul answered as she pulled out a small bag and stuffed it in her jacket pocket. She continued, “it means like those ‘pure’ people who pride themselves on being untainted. Like, no alcohol, no drugs, no tattoos. You know, the ‘bad stuff.’”

 

“I wouldn’t necessarily call it pride…” Sooyoung spoke, something in her wanting the blonde to know that she didn’t think she was better for not doing those “bad stuff”.

 

“Hmm… so what? You’re down to try stuff? Is that what you’re saying?” Jinsoul turned to the girl, and they both realized how close they ended up being to each other. Sooyoung couldn’t decipher the look in her eyes when she asked that question, and a part of her was scared. But she wasn’t going to let her know that. She wasn’t going to back down.

 

“Yeah, technically. Never knew people who did anything more than drink so I never had a reason to try things.” She was cautious as she spoke, seeing that her words slowly made Jinsoul smile at her. As beautiful as it was, something told her she definitely should not have said that.

 

“Down to try some coke?”

 

 

In an instant, her eyes widened and she was dragged to a restroom that looked as if it hadn't been used in years. Once inside, Jinsoul took out the bag she had and her wallet, taking out a card. Was she for real? Who was this enchanting blonde that seemed to be a hard druggie? Why was Sooyoung so easily persuaded by her.

 

“The best thing about snorting is that it’s over the second you do it. So don’t worry too much.” The smile that she gave to Sooyoung was sinister, and it locked her in a trance as she followed the orders of Jinsoul.

 

Rest assured, it was another experience Sooyoung would never forget.

 

 

It became a routine, one that Sooyoung quickly fell into because Jinsoul was just too amazing to not want to be around with. Haseul wasn’t that happy to find out that her friend was hanging out with that crowd, and she let it be known every chance she got, much to Sooyoung’s dismay. Although Sooyoung wasn’t against drugs, she was never that fond of them, but hanging out with Jinsoul, she found herself doing them often, but only with Jinsoul. She would meet up with her in the library, snort whatever she had and they’d have a “highly intense” study session. Then, whenever Jinsoul’s and her friends wanted to smoke, usually on the weekends, she’d invite her and Sooyoung would spend that whole weekend with Jinsoul. Some time later, she tried ecstasy, and she really liked ecstasy. The way everything felt so good and how Jinsoul would graze her fingertips over her skin brought her into a state of pure bliss. The more she hung out with Jinsoul, the more drugs she tried, and Jinsoul would ask which was her favorite. But to Sooyoung, her favorite drug was Jinsoul herself.

 

Sooyoung was absolutely infatuated with Jinsoul. She fell hard for the girl, but who could blame her? Jinsoul was perfect. She knew from the moment she first saw her, she was trapped, but the more time they spent together, she no longer felt trapped, she desired being with her. The way Jinsoul eyes lit up when she would rant about random nerdy things brought Sooyoung to the clouds above. Jinsoul had a habit of expressing through her eyebrows a lot, which made Sooyoung heart melt with how cute it was. Call Sooyoung starstruck, whipped, ugly, it didn’t matter because Jinsoul was quite possibly the best thing in her life. She was beautiful, had the body of a goddess and the brains of a genius. Whether sober or drugged up, she had this charismatic charm around her that drew you in, and Sooyoung couldn’t help but fall in love. Every positive trait that could exist in a person, existed in her, and Sooyoung swore she met an angel that night. Sooyoung couldn’t get her out of her head, and she didn’t want to. For Sooyoung, she wanted to be with Jinsoul forever, even if they’re just friends.

 

But, it seems the gods were on her side, because when Jinsoul confessed her feelings to the dark haired girl, she felt a high she never achieved before. The shy look on her face when she told Sooyoung how much she’s fallen for her made Sooyoung heart beat erratically, and the kiss on her lips that came after calmed her almost instantly. The feeling of her lips on her was addicting. Yeah, Jinsoul was definitely her favorite.

 

 

To say their love was intense would be an understatement. They were both deeply in love with each other and if we’re being honest here, the excessive drug consumption added on to the intensity. Sooyoung’s life began revolving around Jinsoul, every possible second was spent with her and she didn’t mind one bit. Haseul had nagged her constantly but seeing as it wasn’t going to stop Sooyoung, she stepped back and aimed to be the cushion for Sooyoung when this wannabe teenage love blows up in her face. But even she didn’t want that to happen, not with how happy Sooyoung was. Both Sooyoung and Jinsoul made it known that the owned each other’s heart. That the love they shared was real and wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. And it never did.

 

Not when Sooyoung opted out on the drugs. Jinsoul didn’t stop, in fact, it got worse, but Sooyoung didn’t need them because she really only needed Jinsoul. It didn’t go away even when Jinsoul dropped out of college. To everyone else, it was big news but Jinsoul didn’t need to go to school, she said. Her parents were very well off and didn’t mind supporting their daughter financially. Jinsoul often talked about not having any dreams and decided to just live as life goes. Jinsoul swore she would still be the same no matter where life took her and Sooyoung believed her. Even though she didn’t necessarily agree with her decision, she knew Jinsoul was fine. She figured she’ll just finish and take care of her, because that’s all she wants to do.

 

As Sooyoung reached her senior year, she and Jinsoul decided to get an apartment together. More so for Jinsoul because she begged the dark haired girl to move in together. Something about Jinsoul whining about living together did things to her, so of course Sooyoung couldn’t say no. This was, however, when Sooyoung realized just how addicted Jinsoul was. And how addicted she was to Jinsoul.

 

Over the next few years, their life took a turn for the worst. Jinsoul’s addiction became increasingly difficult to handle, even so much that her overly loving parents cut her off. Since she had no income coming in, Jinsoul would take part time jobs to help Sooyoung with the bills. Her drug habits made it hard for her to keep a job, though. Sooyoung, however, was too blinded by love to see how much of a problem it was. Haseul, and even some of Jinsoul’s friends were starting to see Jinsoul spiral as time went on, but with neither Sooyoung or Jinsoul admitting the situation, their concerns fell on deaf ears. For the couple, this was just a small setback that they’ll get through together.

 

 

When Sooyoung landed a pretty well paying job, on the outside, they looked as though they’d gotten their shit together, but in actuality, everything got worse. Jinsoul, no longer needing to work, spent her days popping pills and smoking while Sooyoung worked. She would then come home when Sooyoung did and they would spend their nights together. At first, Sooyoung was fine with it. To Sooyoung, Jinsoul was always a drug addict and she was so deeply in love with her that she didn’t care. The Jinsoul that she’s with now is the same one she fell in love with. But even she had her limits.

 

Nights alone became a recurring thing. At first, Sooyoung was scared, not knowing where Jinsoul could be since the blonde had a terrible habit of leaving her phone at home. She called everyone and no one would have any whereabouts on her. It was terrifying for Sooyoung and she’d stay up all night hoping and waiting for Jinsoul to come home. Jinsoul would stumble in early the next morning, waking up a frantic Sooyoung who would proceed to bombard her with questions about where she’s been. Jinsoul could only mutter a quiet apology and Sooyoung, washed over with relief that her lover was safe, would accept it every time. Over and over again, she forgave the blonde because she was so deeply in love with her.

 

But eventually, Sooyoung slowly got fed up with Jinsoul’s behavior. She would always be worried sick, even if she knew Jinsoul would be in during the morning, and it frustrated her to no end. How could Jinsoul just disregard her and her feelings like that. Jinsoul would never delve into why she would be out all night, and it was eating away at Sooyoung. What could Jinsoul possibly be doing? Sooyoung was never the type to snoop around but since she was never getting any answers from Jinsoul, she had to find her herself. She looked through her phone, they never hid their passcodes from each other, and saw that on the nights she’d be out, she would be texting some girl named Joy. Sooyoung felt her blood boil, but none of the messages hinted at any infidelity, just casual conversations. Grabbing her keys she walked out of their home to head to this Joy’s house to see if she had any answers as to why Jinsoul was always out.

 

What she saw broke her heart. Jinsoul, sprawled out on the floor, knocked out with needle marks in her arms. She looked so pathetic. This didn’t look like the Jinsoul she knew and loved. Sooyoung knew Jinsoul had a problem, no matter how much she pushed it down, but this opened her eyes to see that she needed to get her lover some help… or she might die. The latter thought sent a shiver through her body as she imagined the love of her life no longer existing in the world. Shaking her head, she grabbed the unconscious girl and took her home, upset that she couldn’t see what her friends told her for years.

 

 

When Jinsoul awoke the next morning, mind fuzzy from her last night activities, she saw Sooyoung sitting on the side of the bed, looking at nothing in particular. She had no idea how she got here, but her stomach dropped when Sooyoung turned to face her with reddened, puffy eyes.

 

“...You need to get help.”

 

Jinsoul rolled her eyes at this. Everyone always said the same thing, and now her own girlfriend was too.

 

“It’s not that much of a problem, Soo.”

 

“But it’s still a problem.” Sooyoung was hoping that maybe if she pushed for Jinsoul to get better, she’d actually make an effort. But all hope was lost when Jinsoul got out of bed, not even stopping as she headed to the bathroom. “You have to go to work.”

 

 

And with that, Sooyoung was left alone. She couldn’t wrap her head around it. She was sure that this was no longer the Jinsoul she grew to love. Her heart kept breaking the longer she sat there, as her tears fell, gradually becoming more and more until she was full on sobbing, hands covering her face. The bathroom door opened and Jinsoul rushed the crying girl, feeling guilty over how she acted towards her. Jinsoul was still very much in love with Sooyoung, and even she knew that her behavior, her habits, were hurting her. Straddling her, Jinsoul gently removed Sooyoung’s hands and replaced them with hers as she cupped her face. Sooyoung could barely open her eyes but when she felt soft thumbs rubbing where the tears stained, she instantly calmed down, leaning into the hands. Jinsoul placed her forehead against hers as she whispered a sincere apology staring at the closed eyes. Leaning forward, Jinsoul placed the lightest kiss on her lips, their first kiss in a long time. It felt as though they were the only people in the world and that time had stopped just for them as they relished in the simple act. Pulling away, Sooyoung finally opened her eyes and looked into Jinsoul’s, and just as all the other times before, she fell right back in love with her. Arms wrapped around the petite waist, Sooyoung pulled Jinsoul closer and their lips reconnected in a much more heated kiss this time.

 

Their lips molded so perfectly well with each other as they physically relaxed into each other. Pulling away when the need for air became too great, Sooyoung quickly switched positions, laying Jinsoul down on the bed as she hovered over her between her legs. They stared at each other, both pairs of eyes matching the intensity of the other. A look of both love and lust so strong as they continued to stare. That is, until Jinsoul wrapped her hands around Sooyoung’s neck, pulling her back down to meet her lips. Their intimate moments had ceased for a while due to their “busy” schedules, so this moment did wonders reigniting the love and passion they have for each other. Nothing but soft moans filled the air as Sooyoung trailed her lips down her body, slowly removing their clothes in the process. When Jinsoul’s top came off, Sooyoung was nearly taken aback at how much weight the blonde lost. Jinsoul always had womanly figure, and although she was skinny, it was still a healthy silhouette. But now, seeing ribs on display, skin pale and devoid of color, Sooyoung almost broke down in tears. Almost, until she looked up and met Jinsoul’s eyes, immediately falling back in a trance. No matter what Jinsoul looked like, she was still the same, and Sooyoung would always love her. Continuing her journey, she made a mental note to get her lover the help she needed, and promised to stay by her side the whole way through.

 

With Jinsoul wrapped snugly in her arms, Sooyoung knew that the Jinsoul she was so deeply in love with was still there with her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading~ this is part 1 of 2 bc of who i am so hopefully part two comes out soon part two us where shit goes down so please proceed with caution i think anyways thanks again so much for reading :>


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